OnTheWay: April 2018

Prolog

This writing will be very related to you who’s counting down to have a long term commitment, the ‘death do us part vow’, with someone.For you who don’t relate, just have fun in this honest article on how I see marriage from a bride to be point of view.. and after series of contemplation and self re-assured —“yes dear, this is happening”. Maybe you’ve been here before or will experience it in near future, whatever it is I’m gonna say this once again, you’re not alone.

Every words, every decisions we make—It’s all started from what, with whom, where, when, and how we think about it.

I used to think marriage was a virtue. It’s a social concept built for centuries, for man and woman to be socially allowed living under one roof and to be legally raising kids and bla bla bla boring things.

These ideas have been evolving until today. Now, I want to get married, because turns out.. I want to have a family of my own. I want to have and raise kids with their loving, mature, and responsible father. I don’t want to spend my old and gray days alone. Funny how this mind can change, as I remember clearly the 18 y.o. me thought these ideas were sooo out of my sight.

Those values and ideas define the decisions I make today. I don’t want to get married just because I want to be accepted socially and legally by my country. I don’t want to get married “just because”. I want it to be a conscious choice, when I am ready mentally and have the right partner to share it with.

Aaand here we go about this thing... the right partner, the major issue of everyone’s idea to settle down.

For me, this issue has been around since forever. Okay, here’s the thing, I am a Libra. If you know anyone with this star sign, I bet they believe in things like ‘true love’, pursue living in (unrealistic) daydreams, and adore beautiful and sparkling things.

Therefore in relationship, I always seek for my kind of ‘knight in a shining armor’ —which was NONE. There was no such thing like ‘prince charming’ or the ‘Mr. Right’. There was no guy who's perfect in any ways possible based on my standard. Learnt this the hard way in the past dating years.

Where on earth a perfect person exists anyway?

People are born perfect with their imperfections, including your partner. And me, you, her, him.. oh, don’t we all?

The little difference that makes us see other people as perfect human being is ‘love’. The depth and sincerity of our love to someone, makes us love him/her just the way they are. Their strengths, weaknesses, characters, all in one package.

This 'love' thing is truly an endless journey. As this kind of love is beyond that ‘stars and rainbows’ phase, where it requires all of me to let my ego down and to patiently listen, accept, and compromise. Thus, keep reminding myself that ‘I am not perfect, so does he. Just give us time and chances to love each other.’

At last, I finally realize —it is a two way efforts on this right partner matter. For a long haul relationship with the ‘Mr. Right’, one is obliged to be the ‘Mrs. Right’ as well. Both are needed to be in it together, to be in love with each other.

A dear friend once said, “don’t look for the one, be ‘the one’ "

It’s definitely not easy, however, I’m continously working on it.

—

Written on my rest day at Surabaya, after 3 days exploring Mt. Semeru with all strong women of Arei Outdoor Gear #WomeninAdventure.

As some of you may know, I'm no longer working in a company that I must say 'The Indonesia's Version of Google'. A very fun and dynamic startup, which has established being an unicorn company, and has grown so much more than before. It's been a crazy-amazing privilege to be a part of it, yet I've got bigger dream to follow --which been abandoned for quite some time.

I trusted my gut to take the step, to be my own boss, to fulfill my long awaited dream as a self-employed gal just before 2018 started. Since then, I develop my own business on my own with bunch of supports from my lifelong hero: Dad. And yes, apparently it's not easy. It's been months and the progress is little. The growth is quite slower than where I used to have in the previous company, where of course, you got the best of the best in line to make the projects done. Yet, I believe whatever I do now is better than staying on my previous state. I'll do everything to make it work, but unfortunately I have to face the fact that the $$ isn't here yet.

Eventhough I've earned good money on the side, it still doesn't enough. I have a lifestyle I need to finance, and soon, I need to finance my own 'life'. The 'life' from A-Z, as for now, I still can depend on my parents for the living expenses since I still stay at their house. It's something I've been taken for granted for years, but now it's such a luxury. Soon enough, I'll live the same luxury no more.

This year's first quarter and the upcoming quarters won't be an easy ride, I bet. Not only about this financial issue, but this whole wedding preparation thing. It's pretty easy actually, but truth to be told, it's still tough at some points. However, I do feel grateful to have great people who endlessly support me on this. I have an unbelievably caring and loving fiance, supportive bestfriends, and understanding family. They keep me stand on my feet and hold onto what's right, until today.

Therefore, if you see me so happy and lucky wondering around on my social posts, don't pity yourself for sitting behind the desk from AM to PM-- since the struggles are also real here. We're just the same :)

CHEERS FOR US,
who work our ass off to conquer life problems and to pursue dreams for a better future,
keep calm, have faith, have good strategy, and take action!

WE CAN DO THIS 💖

--
Written from Kopi Nalar
Jakarta '18

Setiap orang senormal dan sewajarnya menginginkan constant enhancement or achievement dalam hidupnya, sekecil apapun itu. Intinya manusia dasarnya ingin bergerak maju, bukan mundur. Tapi yang sering terjadi— ketika lingkungan sekitar kita lebih ‘maju’, kita malah gak seneng, gak mau mengakui, dan akhirnya malah jadi ‘julid’ alias berprasangka buruk.

Familiar dengan kondisi-kondisi seperti ini:

Teman kantor berangkat S2 ke luar negeri dengan beasiswa

Teman jaman SMA/kuliah menikah dan langsung punya anak

Sepupu buat bisnis restoran yang hits

Teman lama jadi rajin olahraga dan post2 tentang olahraga (and he truly lost some weight)

Pernah jugakah saat itu terlintas di pikiran seperti ini:

Hah padahal dia gak pinter2 amat

Ah palingan anaknya ntar diurus nanny

Jelas lah, kan dia pakai duit/channel orangtuanya

Ala2 banget palingan cuma kemakan trend

Come on.. if we think he/she doesn’t deserve it, do you think WE deserve it?

Kadang kita merasa ide dan pemikiran kita yang paling ‘benar’ (padahal belum tentu), dan orang lain itu ‘salah’ dan gak berhak dengan apa yang mereka dapatkan atau lakukan. Titik. Kita gengsi dan malu untuk mengakui kalau kita yang ‘salah' atau ‘kurang maju' dibanding teman, saudara, atau kolega kita. Apalagi nih, ketika latar belakang dan track record orang itu ‘kurang’ di mata kita. Jadi rasanya apa yang mereka lakukan salaaah terus.

Sesungguhnya kalau mengacu ke teori relativitas Einstein, benar dan salah itu hal yang sangat relatif, tergantung dari kacamata mana kita mau melihat dll atau tergantung ‘faktor X’-nya. Seseorang yang kita anggap ‘kurpin’ alias ‘kurang pintar’, bisa dianggap pinter banget oleh orang lain. Orang yang kita lihat ‘keren abis’, mungkin dianggap ‘meh’ sama orang lain. Yang ini gak akan ada habisnya, makanya suatu hal/isu akan selalu memiliki dua sisi, atau bahkan lebih, yang bertentangan satu sama lain. WAJAR, karena faktor X setiap orang pasti berbeda.

‘Be the best version of yourself’— suatu konsep populer saat ini, yang menurut saya bisa dilakukan untuk buat hidup kita jadi lebih ‘bahagia’. Mungkin lingkungan sekitar bisa dibuat sebagai motivasi, acuan, tapi untuk menjadi standar.. hmm tunggu dulu, mungkin akan lebih baik kalau kita bisa menentukan standar untuk diri kita sendiri.

Waktu2 after office atau weekend yang biasa diisi dengan acara hangout bersama yang tersayang, mungkin bisa kita sempatkan sekali dalam berapa minggu/bulan untuk refleksi, bicara, mikir akan visi misi dan tujuan hidup kita. Kita coba kritisi pemikiran dan pola pikir diri kita selama ini. Dari situ, kita bisa tahu apa yang esensial dan yang tidak dalam hidup menurut versi kita.

Saya yakin, karena saya juga alami, di awal bicara dengan diri sendiri ini kita akan hadapi banyak distorsi, dimana kita akan banyak mau atau ingin segalanya. WAJAR, kita manusia mahkluk lemah yang tak pernah puas. Tapi dengan mengurutkan secara runut prioritas hidup, menyusun visi dan misi, dan terus diulang-ulang ditanyakan ke diri sendiri, akan semakin jelas siapa diri kita sebenarnya. Ini pondasi kuat untuk pada akhirnya menentukan tolak ukur kebahagiaan kita sendiri. Tips lebih lanjut soal self awareness ini, mungkin saya akan share di kesempatan berikutnya.

Intinya, konsep 'best vesion of yourself’ slash ‘happiest version of yourself’ bisa berbeda untuk kita, dia, dan mereka —which is WAJAR. Gak perlu paksakan konsep mereka ke hidupmu kalau memang deep down kamu tidak mau dan ingin, begitu pun sebaliknya tidak perlu paksakan konsep hidupmu ke mereka. Hal fundamental sampai yang tidak penting sekali pun, dari isu pernikahan, bisnis, gaya hidup, menjalin relasi, sampai warna rambut —hargai konsep diri yang mereka pilih dan tunjukan, karena itulah yang mereka percayai sebagai versi terbaik dirinya. Dengan begitu, niscaya jalanin hidup dan meraih 'kebahagiaan yang hakiki’ akan sedikit lebih mudah untuk kita.

Ketika dengar atau lihat kabar milestone baru dari relasi kita, akan menyenangkan kalau kita bisa ucapkan selamat, encouragement, atau hal2 yang positif. There’s a saying, it’s better to say positive things or nothing at all. Hayo, kita sendiri akan lebih seneng lihat komen “kurusan deh” dibanding “gemukan ya” kaan? ;)

So I guess, people have their right to pursue their own happiness, so do you.

Let them be happy, and you’ll be happy too.

Written by a lady who wish life could be as simple as drink fresh young coconut water at the beach.

.

OTWanderlust